Pssst, Over Here

Alright, I know I said I would be blogging again. Turns out that's true, just not here. I mean I tried, it's just that when I fired up the old blogging machine, all that came out was angry bile directed at Sarah Palin, so I quit again.

Fortunately, my friend Hammer Flanagan wouldn't let me stay quit, and he won't let me write about Sarah Palin (unless it's really funny).

Go on over there and read what me and the rest of the knuckleheads have to say. Sometimes it's actually good.

Link to Hammer Flanagan Website
Link straight to the HammerBlog

Hammer Flanagan The Zombie Movie

We here at Kicked Puppies loves Hammer Flanagan, and not just cause he's a friend of ours.

Garrr!

the Idiot loves the Somali pirates who took a Ukrainian ship full of tanks and other weapons. If you're gonna go, go big.

I don't think it's gonna go well for them in the end tho.

Garr, and blast ye scurvy lubber souls.

That's How I Roll

I may well work at the uncoolest place on Earth. Nuf said there, but today I did get a little bright spot when I walked into the employee restroom.

Well, a little back story first
Yesterday I walked into the employee restroom, first thing in the morning, and found a HUGE unflushed turd floating there.
Now, in my coworkers defense, they had tried to flush. I'm not Gil Grissom, but I was able to piece that much together from visible evidence.
From the looks of the racing stripes around the bowl, there had been a fierce struggle and the big boy I was looking at had refused to go down. I dispatched it with a flush and went onto my business, resolved once again, to go have another talk with jobs.com as soon as I was out of the potty.

Today, nothing so dramatic was awaiting me, but I did happen to notice for the first time (yes, I've been working here for roughly five years- I already fessed up that I'm not Gil Grissom), that the toilet paper dispenser says "ROLLMASTA"

A closer inspection revealed that that it's actually ROLLMASTR, which is not nearly as cool, but hey, it made me smile. That's just how I roll.

Obama Sign TV; You too will be addicted

A story in the WSJ tipped the Mrs. to this story about a kid whose Obama sign kept getting ripped off so he put up a home made sign and a web cam to keep an eye on it. Now he's got a following. Subsequent hijinks ensued. Go read it, then watch the sign with the rest of us. Here's the original site where you can see all the CHAOS chat. (Citizens Hanging Around the Obama Sign)

Video streaming by Ustream

Ok, I'm back for real this time

I came back here today.
I was checkin on my lists of beers I'd tried.
I nearly crapped my pants to find comments waiting for me.
I was so touched, that
like Ozzy Osbourne, I'm back for another tour.

Stay tuned for more hilarity. In the meantime though, enjoy my latest video blog effort;
just click here to see it.

A Comeback, of sorts.

Ok, so I'm reviving the blog with the hope of becoming one of them fabulously celebrated bloggists you read about on the internets. I will have money, fame, power, glory and, like Artie Lange, someone to load songs on my iPod.

Post #341

This is the 341st post on Kicked Puppies. That's significant.

You see, 3+4+1=8


8 is the number of my favorite Red Sox player, Carl Yastrzemski.

Crush is the 8th song on the Dave Matthews Band album Before these Crowded Streets. It's a good song.

Also, significantly, 3+4=7
Combine that with the number left over from 341 and you have 71. In 1971 Led Zeppelin IV came out and Tupac Shakur was born.

What does all this mean? I don't know.
Happy 341st post, kicked puppies.

oh, did I mention its actual significance?
I think it will probably be the last post here on the old blog.

The Idiot has kept this up far longer than he ever dreamed he might way back when he started this silliness. It has been a lot of fun, but coming up with something to say day in and day out has been far too much like work.

For those blog artistes who I've come to read and enjoy, fear not, I'll still be around, and my idiotblogger e-mail address still works. E-mail me.

It's been real, it's been fun, it's been real fun.

Beers # 52-77

It's been a while since I've updated my beer list, mostly because I haven't been drinking much, and the beers I've been drinking are already on the list. For those of you who are new here, I'm trying to drink a million different varieties of beer before I die....
Why? Because I'm an easy mark for people armed with peer pressure.

Read the original post here. Read about beers 1-10, beers 11-22 here, beers 23-36 here, and beers 37-51 here

52. Ravell from Magic Hat- This beer is available only at their brewery and a friend brought me back a growler of it. This beer absolutely dispelled any question I had that the people at Magic Hat might not know what they're doing. This is a heavy beer with a vanilla flavor and I'm a big big fan.

53. Rosie Red Bitter- This was brewed by a friend of mine. I think it's only his third batch of beer but it was remarkably complex. He used so many hops (3 infusions) that it's so dry and tart it makes your lips want to pucker, then, the malt kicks in an it finishes nicely. Well done, sir!


54. FestiveAle from Rogue- A Belgian saison ale, some ginger and other spices make this a fine sippin' brew. As I said a while ago, I tried Rogue beers a decade ago and wasn't impressed and now I can't get over how much I like a lot of their stuff.




55. Sam Adams Cherry Wheat- I got seriously hooked on this years ago, it was really the first beer that made me realize people could do cool and tasty things with beer.


56. Red Hook ESB- I have a chum who lives in Seattle and I drank a lot of Red Hook when I went out for his wedding. Good stuff. We were at their local brewery and I was hoping to try their Nitro, which they were out of, but the ESB was a fine substitute.

57. JW Dundee's Honey Brown Lager- Friends of ours took us out to dinner a while ago and the husband came back from the bar with a giant schooner of what I think was Honey Brown. If it wasn'y it's ok, because I consumed somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 gallons of this stuff at Cincinnati Reds games over the years. Very smooth, very drinkable, very good beer.

58. Anchor Steam- This is one of my all time favorite beers. I also like that it goes with anything and any with any temperature or activity. It's light and crispy enough to taste great on a hot day and heavy enough to appeal on a winter day. Those San Fariscans really found a good thing when they cooked up the first batches of this stuff.





59. Kona Brewing Co. Fire Rock Pale Ale- I keep finding myself writing "I don't like Pale Ales, but I like this one" so it might be that I actually like Pale Ales. This is a good one from a brewery that we actually visited in Hawaii a couple of years ago. It's not too hoppy, crisp and smooth.






60. Kona Brewing Co. Longboard Lager-This is a good beer, not a great beer. It's flavorful but very smooth. I think it's a little pricey for what it is, though I'm sure they sell a lot of it in Hawaii to the tourists, and to those of us who come back from our trips and want a little of that Hawaiian vibe.





61. Magic Hat Blind Faith- A perfectly respectable Pale Ale. If I'm not careful I might start liking Magic Hat beers, based almost entirely on the strength of their Revell.

62. Unibroue Cranberry Ephemere- Not as tart as a lambic, but still a nice beer. It's like Sam Adams Cherry Wheat only with cranberries.

63. Milly's Tavern Brown Noser Brown Ale- By the time I got to this one it was pretty late in the evening and I honestly don't remember anything about it, other than the fact that the tap had a fake nose on it with a brown tip.

64. Milly's Tavern Oatmeal Stout- A perfectly respectable oatmeal stout. The bartender said it was an imperial stout, but I think he was fulla crap. As an oatmeal stout, it was delicious, as an imperial stout there would be a problem.

65. Smuttynose Farmhouse Ale -A saison that was very good, from their big beer series, (though I had it on tap). I like Smuttynose beers, I'm trying to get them back to the top of my list after unfortunate yeast incidents with some of their beers.

66. Smuttynose Barley Wine '06- I had a bottle of this stuff in '05, but since this is a new batch and I had it on tap, I'm counting it again. Their barleywine in excellent.

67. Rogue Old Crustacean Barley Wine- Excellent stuff. I'm really getting to be a big fan of Rogue Beers.

68. Franconia Notch Mountain Stout- The bartender said that either the company is no longer in business or they've stopped brewing this particular brew. Either way it's a shame, because this was a delicious stout with a lot of chocolate in the flavor.

69. Moat Mountain Hoffman Weiss- Very sweet and tasting of bananas. I had a sampler of this and then went with the bartendress's suggestion of turning it into a black and tan.

70. Hoffman Weiss/ Guinness Black and Tan- Yeah, I know, it is a little cheesey to count this as a separate beer, but it's my list so piss off. The two were a good match, by the way, though I was more focused on getting my ass kicked at darts than the beer at that point in the night.

71. Harpoon Summer Beer- This is a good beer, though I have almost no recollection of anything special about this particular glass of the stuff after the barley wines mentioned earlier.

72. Unibroue Maudite- Very high in alcohol but still tasty. This is a beer you want to be prepared for, it's not light and crisp- it's heavy and sweet.

73. Rogue American Amber- An excellent beer that goes down smooth, maybe a little too smooth considering the price. Maybe it would be better if this beer weren't so good, then it could sit in the fridge undrunken, and I'd save money. Does that make sense?


74. Rogue Dead Guy Ale- See the note for #73 above. Rogue makes good beers.





75. Blue Moon Belgian White Beer- We bought a twelve of this for a friend that was visiting. I like "whit beer," though I like the hard to find Celis version of the style better. This is a nice beer, especially in hot weather.

76. Geary's Summer Ale- I drank several of these yesterday thanks to a cousin who brought them to the Memorial Day celbration. It's nice to have family who have good taste in beer.

77. Geary's Hampshire Special Ale- I had such a good time with the Summer Ale, I had a Hampshire Special Ale when I got home. These are quite good, though the high alcohol content shows up in the taste.

NASA doesn't care who you call

Mrs. Idiot and I had a heated argument because I was pretty sure that NASA was collecting a database of phone numbers that we call. Yes, now I know it was the NSA, not NASA, but let me tell you, for a while I was pretty scared.

I mean, imagine what NASA could do with our phone numbers!? They could beam my number out into space and I'd have telemarketers from other planets calling trying to sell me subscriptions to The Beteulguese Times and accident policies against phaser mishaps. I was quite relieved when Mrs. Idiot showed me article after article that confirm it's the NSA.

Being diligent, I went out and researched the NSA, wanting to make sure that they won't sell my phone number to aliens. I found the following site that I think you'll like, especially if you have any questions you'd like to ask of the NSA. DearNSA.com

Abba-solute Power!

I was browsing the headlines, being the newshound that I am, and found this story:


All I have to say is that it's about time! I mean, Abba was a supergroup that wrote all those great hits! Who better to settle hamas problems than the group that gave us Fernando and Take a Chance on Me?

I also agree that it's high time that we establish some hamas boundaries so I'm glad to see that Abba is playing hardball and establishing a firm deadline. I often find that the local grocery's hamas is a little light on the tahini and lemon juice and they overcompensate by using too much paprika. Some standards will be a most welcome change.

I really hope that that they deal with the spelling issue too. I mean, I've seen hummus, Χούμους, houmous, hommus, humus and now hamas! It's all the same thing people! How many ways do we need to spell it, it's a frickin chick pea dip!

So, as I said, I'm glad to see that someone has finally given Abba some power and that we're finally addressing the real issues of modern life.

Drunken American Idol

For those of you who've not been scoring at home, or for those of you not reading this blog, Blog Artiste Hanni has been holding a contest in which we rabble scum can choose the drink she drinks whilst watching tonight's American Idol Finale. Each week for eight weeks, readers got to vote, and the drink with the fewest votes each week got kicked off until there was only one standing.

The drink that sounded the most dangerous to me was called Stephanie's Coke Lobster, because it mixed two liquors as well as cranberry juice and coke. I figured that this combo would make the poor girl do weird things and then throw up, which would no doubt amuse us all. I quickly became a champion of this drink, and in the end it prevailed.

Somehow, as is normal for me, I got wrapped up in the excitement of the contest and volunteered to drink whatever drink won along with Hanni. Though we're a bazillion miles apart and I don't give a rat's ass about American Idol, a party is a party and I'm down with Stephanie's Coke Lobster, (which, it turns out, is just a Rock Lobster with Coke in it).

I went out and bought the ingredients:

To play this at home you'll need some Crown Royal (though any blended whiskey will do) and some Chambord, which is a raspberry liquor which I had to try a shot of. It's VERY tasty.
Hanni has a full recipe up on her current post about tonight's American Idol festivities.

I've mixed up the first Rock Lobster and am suitably impressed, it's red, it's tasty and it goes down easy. If I drink enough of these I may soon start to care about American Idol, and if I keep drinking after that I'll probably try out for American Idol.


Since the Yankees are playing the Sox tonight, the closest I'll get to watching Idol might be the occasional check in between innings. I will admit that I've gotten to like the first couple of weeks of each American Idol season, and this year I even watched it a bit. There's something cruelly entertaining about the hundreds of people who can't sing and yet audition for the show anyhow, especially when they get mad at being told that they can't sing. I liked the gray haired guy from way back then, and the girl that's still in it was nice enough to show America her underwear with a wardrobe malfunction, so I should probably tune in for just a few minutes just to see how it all comes out. I mean, if I don't see it live I'll probably wonder who won as I doubt the world's news agencies will cover something trifling like a TV talent show when there are wars being waged and such!

So there you have it, Me, Rock Lobsters and the Red Sox. Mrs. Idiot is on the fence as to whether she'll participate, so I've made a drink for Wally. She did, however, promise that she'll update the blog should I get too out of hand and do stupid stuff.

There you have it Hanni, have fun, be safe, and Cheers!

Quick, Go Vote Now!

My Blogger friend Hanni is having a contest to decide what she'll drink while watching the American Idol Finale. Foolishly, I've agreed to drink it too, Chez Idiot. I'm rooting for the Lobster Drink, and right now the vote is a tie. Go vote for the lobstah, on the right side of her webpage. Voting ends tonight, so do it now!

Bling From the King

It's time for me to get this campaign for king thing moving again, and this time, just to show you I'm serious, I'm starting with these little logo thingys for people's websites.

Once the donations start rolling in I'll make up some stickers and t-shirts and stuff. My plan is to spread these icons all over the place so that pretty soon everyone is asking "What the hell is that?" (I think I may have gotten the idea from Turk 182, but I saw that so long ago it's kind of hazy, so instead I'll say I got it from Bon Jovi).

Since y'all are in on the ground floor, you know that it means you want me as your king. (get it? Village Idiot=V.I.=VI=Roman numeral for 6?) Clever eh?

Free Idiot Art, getcher free idiot art here, get it while it's hot. Put one on your webpage and link it to here. We'll start the revolution one blog at a time.

Pick whichever one you like. Let me know where it winds up and I'll link back to your site too.

The King Is Back

That's it, the gloves are off and my hat is back in the ring.

Yes, that's right, I'm firing up my campaign for king of the world again, and we can all thank Paris Hilton for it.

You've heard of her, right? Rich heiress? Tall, skinny blonde dumb bimbo?



For a long time, I just didn't "get" her. I mean, she's really not attractive at all. She looks like a bird. She obviously doesn't have a brain in her head.

Then I realized her penchant for getting drunk and screwing things up in public, and I saw at last her entertainment value as a clown. I mean really, she's NOT hot, NOT smart, just egotistical, rich, drunk, mean and stupid- the perfect combination of things to bring on and then exacerbate a really amusing downfall. Am I right? The most awesome thing about Paris is that she actually thinks we're laughing with her!

Apparently, last night, she and some rich idiot that no one has ever heard of, launched a diatribe against Lindsay Lohan in public. There's a video of it here, though I warn you, the drunken young man's language is quite salty.(It's all bleeped, and truly reveals what a pair of morons we're dealing with). As the website says, brilliantly, I might add, the young man who is with Paris is "best known for his drunk driving arrest."

Nice, very nice.

So here's the new campaign platform.
In the Idiot's new world order: If you are very rich, that's fine, and it's even encouraged, but if you didn't earn the money yourself then you have only a few choices as to how you will live your life;
a) quietly, without bothering the rest of us.
b) philanthropically, giving a lot of your money to worthy charities, which gives you the right to go out and make an ass of yourself in public.
c) as a clown. If you want to be the rich jet-setter like Paris and her idiot boyfriend, (he's the grandson of an oil baron), you are in fact agreeing to let us use you and your image for whatever goofy crap we feel like putting you through. I think it would be horrendously entertaining to put these two idiots through a few rounds of Fear Factor stunts, and then maybe make them wear superhero costumes for a year.
d) with class. This is kind of A and B combined, but if you have class and dignity, I'm ok with you spending Grampa's Billions and expressing your opinion. I mean, the Kennedy's tend to get a little clownish, but at least they've got class.

Brandon Davis, grandson of a billionaire and seemingly a world-class pisswit.

Here's an example of class-less: In the video, Paris' boy says of Lindsay Lohan: "I think she's worth about seven million (dollars), which means she's really poor. It's disgusting. She lives in a motel."

Indeed, Tubby, you're right. But at least SHE earned her money. Now, shall we look for the Husky Boy section to get you your Assman Costume?

..there's gonna be a floody-floody...

If you've been following the news then you already know that the weather here in New Hampshire got a little extreme over the weekend.

The Idiot family and all of its collective crap came out unscathed, though we had to suffer the indignity of having our road closed for a couple of days due to high water across it and the fact that the road it connects to washed out. (This made life especially interesting for our friends who were visiting from away, especially since they had to get to an airport to fly back to the rat race in the middle of it).

I want to give a special shout out to the emergency workers in New Hampshire. We had firemen on the doorsteps of all the homes in our neighborhood three different times to keep us informed as to what was going on and to offer us help should we need it. Y'all did a great job and we thank you.

This Bud's For... a Player to be Named Later

A friend of mine sent me this list of recent minor league player transactions. Check out the one that's highlighted. (Click on the image to see one that's big enough to actually read).

Pickled Hanni

One of my favorite Bloggers, Hanni, is having a contest. She started with a list of drinks, and each week she lets us vote one off, just like American Idol. She will drink whatever we finally vote on at an American Idol finale party and post pictures of all the stupid things she does.

As I'm all in favor of drunken stupidity, here's a link to her voting thingy.


Personally, I'm pushing for the Lobster Drink because it sounds more alcoholly than the others, which could lead to both freak dancing and vomiting. Cast your vote today!

How Sweet It Is

The Sox beat the Yankees last night 14-3. The best part was that the Yankees gave up six unearned runs on errors and wild pitches, including two by A-Rod and a dropped fly ball by right-fielder Melky Cabrera.

Yes, his name is Melky.

Recommended Reading

One of my favorite bloggers, Badaunt, shared the following link in her comment about poor Fluffy X's wounded hiney. Having read her blog regularly for a year, I knew that if Badaunt recommended it, it would be awesome, and it was.

Go here, and read this little story.