I think we've all probably been in a situation where we know we are about to seriously befoul the air around us.
In public places, the Village Idiot usually employs the technique known crop dusting, which is to say that he walks briskly whilst expelling the offending gas in his wake. This is a great technique in that the one who dealt it gets to put several yards of distance between himself and those who will become the ones who smelt it.
One must be very careful when cropdusting up the aisle of airplanes, buses and other closed spaces. If it's a particularly rank bouquet, you may well tip your hand as he that cut the cheese as row after row of people experience the wonder that is you and visibly react. They may be waiting for you on your return trip. For the true idiots out there, cropdusting is a stealth operation. If you're tooting and honking your way down the aisle your fellow travelers will definitely be waiting for you when you return.
As amusing as cropdusting may be, the other day I found on the internet a technological marvel that will make everyone's airplane rides much more enjoyable, the personal fart absorbing seat cover. The amazing part is that there are at least two companies that produce these things, and that seems to be all they sell.
Here is the site for the maker of the cushion shown below, and here is Flat-D, the #1 name in flatulence odor control. When I'm king, airlines will hand these out as you board the plane.
discreet, eh?
There you have it, another public service message from Kicked Puppies.
4 comments:
Ah man, that stinks.
I've never heard anyone refer to farting as crop dusting. That made me laugh. I feel badly for the person who's farts are so smelly they feel the need to buy one of those seat covers.
Another thought popped into my head. Does the seat cover absorb sound as well?
In fact, it does
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