Ok, I'm taking my name out of the running for King of the World.
While I still think I would be the best King that the world has ever seen, I fear that I would spend far too much of my time laughing and far too little of my time kinging.
For example, did you see this picture?
This is a picture of the special "Uranium Enrichment Pageant" that they held in Iran when they'd successfully pulled off the enrichment of uranium. See the dancers holding the representative enriched uranium rods? See the fake flying doves holding the Iranian flag on the special banner? It's all very touching and special, I suppose, but if they'd invited his majesty the Idiot to their special homage to weapons grade radioactivity, there's an excellent choice that I would have launched into a giggle fit as soon as they brought out the radioactive dance troupe, which is probably not good for international relations.
The other example is this Hú Jintāo fellow, the current President of the People's Republic of China and General Secretary of the Communist Party of China. He's currently at the White House meeting with our lovely and charming and idiotic President. I'm glad I'm not there, because I would of course have to poll the room several times;
Village Idiot: "Ok, talking about greenhouse gases now people, I gotta ask, is it that big a deal? Ok, let's do this... raise your hand if you give a shit about greenhouse gases."
(Hu Jintao, the current President of the People's Republic of China and General Secretary of the Communist Party of China, raises his hand).
Village Idiot: "Yeah, just as I suspected, Hu gives a shit!"
and more dumb jokes would no doubt follow....Hu's on first... Hu dunnit...Hu farted....Hu are you kidding?.....Hu do you you think you are?.... Screw Hu and the horse he rode in on .....and so on until he storms out and gives the command to launch the missiles.
I would probably have the Who's "Who Are You?" stuck in my head the whole time, especially the "hu-hu, hu-hu" part, and looking at him, Ol' Hu doesn't seem to be the kinda guy hu would think I'm very funny.
So, it's probably for the best that I'm taking my hat out of the ring and leaving the running of the world to far greater minds, like Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld.