Too Much TV

Last week it was my sad misfortune to watch a LOT of television. I'm not sure why, perhaps my body got used to plunking itself on the couch for the NCAA Tourney two weeks in a row only to find the games not there anymore. Mrs. Idiot, who was able to quit her raging television addiction several years ago with the help of the TV patch, seemed awfully familiar with all of the shows we suffered through, so I wonder if the monkey might not be making its way back onto her back, but that's a different story. (Plus, she quit reading my blog months ago so it doesn't matter what I say here).

Anyhoo, first, the good: (Advertising Edition)
The Sonic Commercials during the tournament in which the one guy slaps the tater tot out of his chum's hand and says "Don't you bring that weak tot action! You go strong to your mouth or you don't go at all!" is absolute genius. I desperately searched the internet for it to share with you, but couldn't find it. The best I could do was a parody of an older Sonic commericial that's still pretty funny. Click Here for it, and bring your speakers. Advertising people take note: based on that commercial, I am actively looking for a Sonic to patronize.

The Bad and the Ugly: (Advertising Edition)
The Travelocity Gnome. Ok, we get it, it's a bumbling lawn ornament, why the heck would I want to book a vacation through a company that uses a lawn ornament as its spokesman? I've seen him ram a bus into a buidling, fly a lawnchair into a set of stadium lights and get caught under a baggage cart. Go hire William Shatner and then we'll talk.

The Direct TV Idiots. There's a commercial in which one guy brags that he got a promotion and his loser friend brags that he got Direct TV. If only the guy who got the promotion would fire his loser friend and end the commercial right there.

The Good: (TV Edition)
There are a bunch of good shows on network TV. The Office is hilarious. Scrubs is funny, and I've already fessed up to being a fan of both Survivor and The Amazing Race. (I'm glad they're moving the Race to 8:00. It's a good show, but it ain't worth staying up till 11:00 to see). Dick Wolf has given us zillion hours of taut drama with his three Law and Order shows, but for me those shows are like the fig newtons in the pantry. They're good enough, but since they're always there, they're not nearly as interesting as they could be. I mean, there's a Law and Order on some channel 24/7.
For new shows, The New Adventures of Old Christine with Julia Louis Dreyfus is funny and The Unit, a new show about a special forces team by David Mamet, is excellent.

And that's the whole list:

The Bad and The Ugly: (TV Edition)
CS friggin I.
I was fed up with this series the first time I saw an episode. Crime Scene Investigators who help the police bust down doors? Who interview suspects? Who have crime labs that NASA would envy? I'll suspend my disbelief enough to let Mr. Spock beam klingons around the galaxy, but this Crime Scene people have stretched me to my limit. If these guys are so good, why the hell is OJ walking around free and where the hell is that girl in Aruba? Last week, after one of them, the producer Jerry Bruckheimer had a fifteen second spot in which he magnanimously donated a GMC SUV to a couple of real CSI units, the ones in Las Vegas and Los Angeles I think. ONE SUV each! Holy crap! The show must earn enough to buy each department its own battleship, and he's giving them ONE LOUSY SUV!

Now they've spun the show off into Miami and New York. If there's an actor on TV who is better at overacting than David Caruso, please tell me.

Last week I suffered through Criminal Minds, Cold Case, Close to Home, and Conviction, all of which seem to be the same taut crime drama formula that made Law and Order and CSI so popular, but these aren't as well written or are just plain stupid. Ditto with Numb3rs, Crossing Jordan, Bones and Without a Trace.

What we need is to clean house in L.A, or wherever these TV people live. First of all, we need to hire some middle eastern TV writers because those are some seriously creative people. Have you heard some of the press releases those terrorists issue? We need a little less CSI heroics and a little more "smiting with the two headed serpent sword of the lion of the brotherhood of mighty Utnapishtim's left testicle the ungodly foul odor from the backside of capitalism." Plus, that could be a pretty good way to fight the war on terror: hire them, give them six figure salaries, and make them into TV addled couch potatoes like us.