Thursday, May 18, 2006

The King Is Back

That's it, the gloves are off and my hat is back in the ring.

Yes, that's right, I'm firing up my campaign for king of the world again, and we can all thank Paris Hilton for it.

You've heard of her, right? Rich heiress? Tall, skinny blonde dumb bimbo?

For a long time, I just didn't "get" her. I mean, she's really not attractive at all. She looks like a bird. She obviously doesn't have a brain in her head.

Then I realized her penchant for getting drunk and screwing things up in public, and I saw at last her entertainment value as a clown. I mean really, she's NOT hot, NOT smart, just egotistical, rich, drunk, mean and stupid- the perfect combination of things to bring on and then exacerbate a really amusing downfall. Am I right? The most awesome thing about Paris is that she actually thinks we're laughing with her!

Apparently, last night, she and some rich idiot that no one has ever heard of, launched a diatribe against Lindsay Lohan in public. There's a video of it here, though I warn you, the drunken young man's language is quite salty.(It's all bleeped, and truly reveals what a pair of morons we're dealing with). As the website says, brilliantly, I might add, the young man who is with Paris is "best known for his drunk driving arrest."

Nice, very nice.

So here's the new campaign platform.
In the Idiot's new world order: If you are very rich, that's fine, and it's even encouraged, but if you didn't earn the money yourself then you have only a few choices as to how you will live your life;
a) quietly, without bothering the rest of us.
b) philanthropically, giving a lot of your money to worthy charities, which gives you the right to go out and make an ass of yourself in public.
c) as a clown. If you want to be the rich jet-setter like Paris and her idiot boyfriend, (he's the grandson of an oil baron), you are in fact agreeing to let us use you and your image for whatever goofy crap we feel like putting you through. I think it would be horrendously entertaining to put these two idiots through a few rounds of Fear Factor stunts, and then maybe make them wear superhero costumes for a year.
d) with class. This is kind of A and B combined, but if you have class and dignity, I'm ok with you spending Grampa's Billions and expressing your opinion. I mean, the Kennedy's tend to get a little clownish, but at least they've got class.

Brandon Davis, grandson of a billionaire and seemingly a world-class pisswit.

Here's an example of class-less: In the video, Paris' boy says of Lindsay Lohan: "I think she's worth about seven million (dollars), which means she's really poor. It's disgusting. She lives in a motel."

Indeed, Tubby, you're right. But at least SHE earned her money. Now, shall we look for the Husky Boy section to get you your Assman Costume?


Leela Lamore said...

i'll take option 1, sadly we are on the lighter side of LL's poorness which makes us REALLLLY poor, but we dont live in a hotel, not even the one we inherited :)

Hänni said...

It's really unfair how Paris thinks-- because she has money--she can be a total asshat.

Well i'm not rich and I just want Paris to know, you don't need money to be an ass. You just need a blog and some spare time. (I'm a perfect example)

Pacific College Mom said...

I'll tell you what...
I'm dead-arse poor,
I am not totally stupid (I'm gragamating from college today) and tonight I plan on getting clownishly drunk with the rest of my fellow gragamates!
Paris and Tubby can blow it out of their collective arses, cause like Hanni (dunno how to get that little thingy above the A, sorry) it doesn't take money to be an ASS!

lime said...

ok, what are my options as a average looking, sort of intelligent person with a fair amount of credit card debt but who pays the bills on time?