Friday, September 23, 2005

Truly Cheesey Poetry

I just learned about James McIntyre (1827-1906), the Canadian Cheese Poet. According to this site

McIntyre is most infamous, however, for his poetic musings on the theme of cheese. It was here that he plumbed the very depths of literary form. The cheese poems transcend mere mediocrity, banality, or doggerel; it is on the subject of cheese that James McIntyre has won his crown as Canada's Worst Poet and has become a serious contender for worst poet of the English language.

Yeah, they're not kidding: Here's a taste of a cheese poem. (The first two stanzas of Prophecy of a Ten Ton Cheese)

Who hath prophetic vision sees
In future times a ten ton cheese,
Several companies could join
To furnish curd for great combine
More honor far than making gun
Of mighty size and many a ton.

Machine it could be made with ease
That could turn this monster cheese,
The greatest honour to our land
Would be this orb of finest brand,
Three hundred curd they would need squeeze
For to make this mammoth cheese.

Good stuff, eh?
Don't forget William Topaz McGonagall, poet and tragedian of Dundee, who has been widely hailed as the writer of the worst poetry in the English language. There's a hilarious site about his awful poetry here.



Hänni said...

Village idiot, your posts... they complete me.

Lesser_Lumpkin said...

Oh man. Having a BA in English Literature all I can say is that was painful. Just plain painful.

The Lumpy