Thursday, March 09, 2006

Further Evidence of My Value To Science

Did you see this story? Scientists are all jazzed that they've found a family that can walk only on all fours.

LONDON (AFP) - The discovery of a Turkish family that walks on all fours could aid research into the evolution of humans. Researchers believe the five brothers and sisters, who can walk naturally only on all fours, may provide new information on how humans evolved from four-legged hominids to walk upright.

I gotta say that I'm not impressed. We had several family reunions in the late eighties and early nineties in which several generations of the family were reduced to using all fours, and a handful of people couldn't walk at all! Generally, this was after the scotch had run out but before we'd worked our way through Grampa Idiot's Homemade Blueberry Liquor. Once that particular bottle was empty all forms of ambulatory motion, and most forms of communication save going "ahhhghshisss thalllghhshiss" while holding out an empty glass were done until the alcohol wore off.

So some Turks can walk on all fours, big whoop. Let's see 'em do it while singing the Abbey Road medley after a bottle of Wild-eye Blueberry #5 and without breaking their cigarettes. Once they've passed that test, we'll talk.


Logophile said...

OK, I am sending the scientists over to check on you people, that is just unnatural.

tif said...

i think its lovely, bipeds are so overrated

lime said...

yeah, i have a family with several similar members. they needed to adopt me just to deepen the gene pool...bwahahaha.

Justine said...

Mmmmmmm. Drunken Idiot... unable to run away... sounds DEEElightful!

Let me know when your next reunion is...


Pacific College Mom said...

Sooo, my family has always walked on their knuckles, and no one makes a big deal out of that... Drinking or otherwise.