Delusions of Grandeur

Yesterday, Teemu sent me the following joke:

French President Jacques Chirac is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy O'Brien down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac,the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! Wehave modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from The Ram's Head have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat."I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighterplanes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over many pints and decided there is no fuckin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners atthis time."


I found it to be amusing, especially when coupled with an actual e-mail exchange between Dianna Abdala and her almost employer, William Korman I found on the web yesterday. Somehow their exchange got leaked to the web, and her little delusion of grandeur is almost as great as, and twice as funny as, Jacques Chirac's. Click Here to read the bitchy e-mails.