In honor of my chapped lips, I present you with this:
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.
The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss right on the horse's ass. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on, Mister..."
"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?"
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em."