Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Small Town News?

Ok, that's it.

Yesterday I read this article in The Portsmouth Herald, one of our local papers:
Can you read that? It's a story about whether or not actor Johnny Depp had been visiting Portsmouth,NH.
But wait, it gets better:
The story was on the FRONT PAGE!

The writer had no evidence except that she saw someone who looks like Depp come out of a shop. She then went nuts and used all her journalistic skills to get to the bottom of this major frickin' story. Then, somehow, this madness made it to the front page of the paper.

But wait, it gets better:
They got part of their story wrong!

Here's the correction they printed on their website. Seems that the author, Andrea Bulfinch (, was too busy chasing around people who look like Johnny Depp to actually research the story or something.

My favorite part of the article was a quote from a realtor responding to a "query" that the reporter had made while following up a rumor that this poor man was looking to buy a home here. Said this realtor, "Perhaps you should stop writing about these ‘sightings’ and let the man enjoy the coast the same way we do ... peacefully." Indeed, Andrea, I think we all agree that you should leave the poor man alone and get a real job.

But wait, it gets better;
They never actually found out if it was him! It's basically a story that says "Yesterday I saw someone who looks like Johnny Depp. I spent the day trying to find out if it was him. No one could say for sure. Here's some quotes by people about how hot Johnny Depp is and some more about what losers the guys in Portsmouth are. The end." Go see for yourself here.

I can't wait until tomorrow's paper comes out, maybe someone saw Mel Gibson! Maybe a bird flew into a window! Maybe they'll do another blistering expose on the fact that every year the leaves fall off the trees!

Have you ever seen Funny Farm? It's an old Chevy Chase movie in which he and his wife move to an idyllic town in the country and soon learn that all of the people in the town are pretty much crazy.

Yeah, it's like that.


lime said...

well i am going to subscribe to some publications from your area and hope that even though i am on the end of the drunken mailman's route that his aim is good enough to get the mail in my mailbox.

i could treat youto a copy of my hometown weekly paper. it reprts such critical news as...mabel hartman went to the diner to celbrate her birthday with family. they got her a tea cozy shaped like a kitten......

Anonymous said...

One more reason to NOT read the local paper!

Besides, you seem to be able to come up with much better material on your own :)

Carrie said...

Sounds like a newsworthy story to me... hee-hee-hee. :)

I love Funny Farm - especially when the dog that keeps running by the lake occasionally.... :)