Friday, December 09, 2005

The Tattoo Tale

The story behind my recent tattoo binge is really quite simple. All my life I've wanted to be a pop singer. You know, like Leif Garrett.

So when I heard that Pink is dating a guy who owns a tattoo shop, and that they put people who were getting tattoos on television, I knew it was probably my last chance to attain the stardom I so desperately seek. (Other than cooking up a fascinating blog like Bob Gentry).

Now, this is where the idiot part kicks in. I apparently confused Punk'd with Pink's boyfriend's tattoo show, Inked. I was under the impression that Pink and her wacky tattooing chums went from tattoo parlor to tattoo parlor playing little practical candid camera jokes on us poor saps. I planned on using my fifteen minutes of fame to boost my career; you know, the usual mix of crooning, joke cracking, and charismatic behavior that marks us pop sensations. At the very least, I figured that I could charm the crap out of Pink and she'd let me hang around in her posse. Maybe I could volunteer to carry the boom box. So I went to dozens of tattoo parlors and got dozens of tattoos before Mrs. Idiot demanded the story. Then she straightened me out.

Corey Hart

Inked, as all of you smart people know, is nothing like Punk'd. It's set in Corey Hart's tattoo shop in Egypt. (I'm just guessing it's in Egypt. Mrs. Idiot said it was "in the Palms" so I figured it has to be in Egypt because of all the palm trees they have there).

Well, as Mrs. Idiot interrogated me, she dragged the whole story out of me, and clued me in to the fact that I had a couple of other things wrong. The extent of my knowledge of who the heck Pink is comes from my watching of that "Vooley-Voo Sushi Abbatoir, Cessna" video, you know, from the Olympic movie with the cows, Moolawn Luge. (I didn't see it because I figured it was just a rip-off of Babe and Cool Runnings, both of which I loved).

Embarrasingly, I thought that Pink was the black girl in that video, because I think she may have had on a pink wig at one point or something. As you can probably tell, I'm easily confused.

Turns out this isn't Pink

Then, to make matters worse, it turns out that my new almost- homegirl, Lil Kim, is not only not affiliated with Inked, she's not recruiting members fro her posse because she's like in jail or something. (Probably for impersonating Pink).

So there you have it. I'm no closer to realizing my dream of being the next American Idol, but I do have a lot of cool new tattoos to show off on Half Nekkid Thursday.


The Orchestrator said...

New Question of the week

FFFrapgirl said...

Oh that is damned funny!LMFAO here!

Thank God for Mrs Idiot..or you might have been kidnapped and beheaded if you got lost in that there Arab kinda country!

Lisa said...

I hate posts that are this funny.

Seriously! How the hell am I supposed to follow that with something witty??? You just sucked all the funny right into that post. There's none left in this airspace.

Rosie said...

You did mean to label that guy Corey Feldman, right?? Anyway, Inked is an entertaining show!!

Ariella said...

Lord have mercy,
I can't breathe,
laughing too hard.

Tigre said...

I aint never had a Tatoo, but everybody in my line of work seems to have one or have had one before they started this job.

Wiccachicky said...

lol. Funny stuff.

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

LOL! @ and with The Village Idiot!
Poignant, sad, tragic, but uplifting story, Village Idiot! With Mrs. Village Idiot saving the day!-- Or the village Idiot from anymore delusions of grandeur! *clapping wildly*
Well written and funny as ever my friend!