Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Fun From the E-Mail

I received the following e-mail the other day, which I found amusing because I might have been the last edumacated person in the country to know that some of our states are red and some are blue. Who'da thunk that soil could be blue? Anyhow, here you go;

Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy righties believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

Peace, Blue States


Wiccachicky said...

What about immigration? Some of us may want to cross the boarder from the red states!!

Jodes said...

good thing i live in CAli!!!

barefoot_mistress said...

Stands up and applauds loudly! Oh thank goodness I am Californian!

oregoncelticlady said...

I LOVE this e-mail! I don't think everyone currently living in California gets to stay...I think some may have to apply for a temporary green (or blue) card! :-)

logo said...

Preach it, blue state brother!

Dan Kearns said...

I guess nobody would ever think the blue-state mentality had a fair bit of self-righteousness and a "superiority complex" would they? :)

Anonymous said...

What's worse: whining from a red state denizen with a justified inferiority complex or the equally justified superiority complex of a Blue Stater...?

Let's not lose site of the fact that all this corruption crap seems to revolve around red state losers too.

The Only good red is....a Canadian!

Just call me: BlueBalls

Pacific College Mom said...

Whoo hooo, LOVE that! I am a tried and true Blue, and that just justified all my beliefs...

Your continued devoted slave.

Kyahgirl said...

that's great! may I share?