This past week, we've been knee deep in the football bowl games. I'd been looking forward to Notre Dame-Ohio State Fiesta Bowl so much that I was practically rabid by the time they finally kicked off. I lost twenty-five dollars on that one to a friend of mine who both loves Ohio State and hates Notre Dame, so from this idiot's perspective, the game sucked.
Later that night we watched West Virginia go up 28-0 over Georgia in the first quarter of the Sugar Bowl and went to bed, figuring that the game was all but over. You can imagine how disappointed I was that Georgia came back and turned it into a close game while we slept.
Then came Penn State-FloridaState in the Orange bowl. Just as I was glad to see Charlie Weis bring Notre Dame back from the edge of irrelevance, I've been happy to see Joe Pa bring Penn State back into the mix again. Also, just because I feel that there should be something in the world for me to hate besides the Yankees and the Lakers, I've arbitrarily taken it upon myself to hate all teams from the State of Florida. Football, Badminton, Hockey or Jai Alai, it doesn't matter- if they're from Florida I've sworn to hate them. I was thus rather distraught when Florida State looked really tough against Penn State. When Penn State took a 14-13 lead, I went to bed because I couldn't stand it any more and they've done just fine all season without me watching. Little did I know that the good guys would eventually win after 3 overtimes.
Which brings us to the Rose Bowl, the much hyped battle between USC and Texas. At kickoff, Mrs. Idiot offered to bet me $50 that Texas would win. I took the bet.
I didn't realize how much football the woman had absorbed over the previous week. When Reggie Bush tried to lateral the ball in the first quarter and announcer Keith Jackson mistook it for a fumble, my sweet and dainty wife yelled "No, it was a lateral, dumbass."
Then, later, when Vince Young did the same thing and Keith Jackson again mistook the play for a fumble, she repeated her remark and added "What, are the announcers drunk or stupid?" It got worse, because late in the 1st half when USC quarterback Matt Leinart attempted the world's ugliest slide and wound up getting hit pretty hard, my wife said to Leinart as he lay crumpled on the field;
"Aww, for the love of God get up and play football Princess, we're all waiting here."
USC Coach Pete Carroll checks to make sure Matt Leinart is ok after a New Hampshire woman called him "Princess"
As it became clear that Texas wasn't going to go away, I had to ask Mrs. Idiot what had inspired her to bet. I mean, this isn't a betting woman. The last time I got her to bet with me on a sporting event was the 1991 World Series, when I took Minnesota and as a result she had to get up and make the coffee for a month.
"Matthew McConaughey," she said quite simply, "He's a big Texas fan, and he's super hot." In fact, she noted that he's the only person on her list of people she can run off with. Now, if only betting schemes worked that well for the rest of us.
Matthew McConaughey receives word that he's made Mrs. Idiot's list AND got mentioned in this blog.