The Idiot Tout Sheet

Rather than spend time railing against the horrendously crappy late-flag-pass-interference call that started the end of the Patriots' season, I thought I'd focus on the positive and share my Superbowl picks with the world. I hope they help you win a lot of money.

The Superbowl will feature Seattle against Pittsburgh, and I think that Seattle will pull it out in the end. The final score will be Seattle 31 Pittsburgh 27

There are, of course, a lot of variables at play here, so let me lay out some alternate scenarios that might develop and influence my picks.

1. Shaun Alexander's concussion. Alexander suffered a concussion in the opening quarter of their game against Washington. If he's back and healthy for their game against the Panthers, then Carolina doesn't stand a chance.
If he's not back, then Carolina could make a show of it, especially if they reinstate the cheerleaders who were arrested earlier in the year.

I mean, I think that bringing back Ms. Keathley and Ms. Thomas would give the other cheerleaders in the squad a lift, and they would all cheer their little hearts out to bring a Carolina victory. Also, if things get dicey in the game, you could always position those two cheerleaders close enough to the Seahawk's bench so as to distract the players from the action on the field.

1. Ben Roethlisberger's arm- There was a bit of a concern about the health of Big Ben's arm at the end of the Steelers' game. If Roethlisberger is healthy then those cheaty pants Denver Broncos don't stand a chance. If he's hurt, Pittsburgh should think about getting celebrities to play quarterback, because they don't stand a chance if Tommy Maddox starts, so they might as well give us fans the thrill of watching Bob Barker and Regis Philbin try and rally the team to victory.










So there you have it sports fans, take it to the bank. Of course, now that the Bengals and the Pats are out of the hunt I could give a crap about football, I'm looking forward to the start of the Olympics instead.