Thursday, October 20, 2005

Ask an Expert: The Bird Flew

The other day I was reading on Yahoo! news about the Bird Flu because it killed a guy in Thailand: here's what the article said:
Concern about the deadly H5N1 strain of bird flu centers on scientists' fears that it may mutate into a form that passes easily among humans, sparking a pandemic that may kill millions.

Ok, that's plenty scary. I don't know what a "pandemic" is, but it's very close in spelling to the word "epidemic" and even closer to the words "that may kill millions". The article definitely had my attention. Here's the next paragraph:

Possible clusters of bird flu among members of one family in Indonesia have raised concern among health experts that this feared mutation may be happening.

Ok, I found that part terrifying, because if there's going to be a terrifying pandemic launched by some family, some horribly infectious strain of bacteria or virus that cuts down people like a knife through butter, I have no doubt that the god damned thing will get its start in The Teen's room. I don't even breathe when I walk past her room for fear that some year-old poptart and a forgotten science experiment have somehow bonded into a deadly vapor heretofore unknown.

My secret fear is that The Teen's room will soon go through one of those cosmic accidents that you read about in comic books. You know, the two and a half tons of clothing, make-up, junk food, cd's and techno-gizmos will have achieved some sort of critical mass and then get struck by lightning just as the Teen spills the critical ingredient, nail polish, onto exactly the right spot thus begetting some horrendous clutter monster that only kryptonite or Will Smith can dispatch.

We recently rented a bagfull of movies from Blockbuster. Three movies went into The Teen's room, but only two came out. I'm serious, the third one disappeared from the face of the earth. The monster stirs...

So, having seen her room, AND the younger one's room, which is equally funky and twice as gross, let me just apologize now for being the family that will launch the Avian Flu, or the clutter monster, whichever comes first.

4 comments:

Theresa said...

I dunno...my two oldest have their own funky scientific experiment going on in their room. I do agree about the nail polish starting it all.

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

LOL. And to think this is happening in teen rooms all over...Very frightening!

3T

Lesser_Lumpkin said...

We'll all forgive you VI but keep in mind that should an epedimic be released from your household it could have serious repercussions on your campaign to become king of the world. Sounds like a good reason to visit your next bar.

The Lumpy

The Village Idiot said...

Theresa, 3T and Lumpy-

You are the BEST! Thanks for your support in this most trying of times. The younger's room has started percolating something and smells a little like rootbeer. I'll keep you posted!

The idiot