Tuesday, October 11, 2005

New Cabinet Position

Readers with very long memories might remember that I'm running for king of the world.
Yes, I know, it's been a while since I've done any campaign work. It's time I get back to work.

Picking my cabinet before the election is key to my campaign because I feel it's important that y'all see exactly what you'll be getting. I've been mulling my options lately, and thought I would update you.

Keith Richards
Secretary of Education

When last we left the campaign, I had definitively named Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards to be my Secretary of Edumacation, because he's every bit as qualified as that incredibly unqualified woman that Bush picked.

ok. that's as far as I got.

Now, I've got a new one:

Juan Gonzalez
Secretary of Unbefrickinleavable

Did you hear about this guy's season? He had ONE at bat. ONE! The man went to the plate, hit the ball and then injured himself running to first! He never made it back after that. The best part is that they cleared out his locker in the middle of August, so he didn't even have to stand around and pretend he was working like the rest of us do. No, actually that's the second best part. The best part is that he earned $600,000 for that one at bat. I'm not kidding. (USA TODAY).

So. I figure that if he can pull that off, he's got to have a place in my cabinet. Whenever the media gets bored with their normal beat and starts looking to take shots at my cushy gig as King, I'll send old Juan out to do something unbefrickinleavable and it will buy me a week or two of peace, depending on the magnitude of Secretary Gonzalez's misadventure.

So that's as far as I got, the King needs a nap. Secretary Richards will take your questions from here.

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