Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Dunkin and Drivin Don't Mix

Some of you may recall that not long ago I announced that Dunkin Donuts is the new crack. Yesterday my kids and I witnessed an event that puts the proof in that particular pudding.

Below you'll see that I've rounded up all the high tech wizardry that will be the hallmark of my reign as king of the world in order to bring the tale to you in full color illustration. (Thanks to the Younger One for the cars, construction paper and crayons that made this all possible).

Anyhow, the kids and I were driving along in Idiotville, and the Younger One announced that she would like some Dunkin' Donuts. As you know, I'm always looking for an excuse to hit the Double D, so we prepared to make a left turn across traffic, into our usual Dunkin Donuts location, fondly known here as #1. We were behind an older gent in a mini-van.
In the diagram, the Idiot family is traveling in the black hot rod behind the pink car.

Apparently, the older gent in the pink car was so fixated on his donuts, that he failed to notice the large white econovan coming along the other way, and he completely and totally plowed into it, as we see in the next diagram.

Now. This would just be another sad tale of bad New Hampshire driving if it weren't for what happened next.

The kids and I sat in the turn lane, stunned that this old guy had just totally rammed the big white van. It was quite a crash, (as seen in the diagram) (the big white van's driver's side tires actually left the ground). The big white van's driver was completely stunned also, and his car drifted across the lane toward us until he recovered his senses and got it under control.

Grampa, meanwhile, kept right on a-going, all the way to the drive-thru, where his car decided it had made its last Dunkin Donuts run and died.

Now, I'm a big fan of The Amazing Race, and Mrs. Idiot and I spend a lot of time wondering how we'd do if we entered, and what we'd do in various situations. Last season, there was an episode in which one team got into a car accident and another team stopped, made sure they were ok, and kept on going. The team that kept on going was criticized for not stopping to help, but I gotta say, what I saw at the old Dunkin Donuts proves that if there had been donuts involved, the other team wouldn't even have stopped to make sure everyone was ok.

Grampa's car sat there, blocking the drive-thru, smoking and steaming and generally unhappy. Within a few minutes, the drive-thru was backed up, and then people started driving up over the curbing to get past him to the order box. Have you ever seen a zombie movie where the living dead are just kinda mindlessly crawling over everything and everyone to get at the humans? It was a lot like that, only with donuts. There's gotta be crack involved in there somewhere.

So that's my story. You'll be happy to know that no one was hurt, the kids and I went in to the store to get our food, (we figured that since the drive-thru was blocked and all... silly us), and we were lucky enough to watch an old mini-van die in what I can only assume is the automotive equivalent of dying with his boots on, dying in the Dunkin Donuts Drive-Thru.


Justine said...

Wow! the high-tech demonstration really brought that home for me. I do hope you'll use Lincoln logs or legos to demonstrate hurricane wilma! You're too funny, keep it up!

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

LOL! Eloquently told Village Idiot. The high tech demonstration added that special quality to the story. :-)

PS. How were the donuts?

Lesser_Lumpkin said...

That was Awesome! Like a little piece of mad max in the middle of my work day. By the way the Lumpy notices that there is no record of you stopping to see if everyone was ok either. Eye on the prize? Just checking.

The Lumpy

Howard Muhlberg said...

What? Krispy Kreme hasn't made it to New Hampshire? There's some crack, I tell ya!

But the thing I want to know is: What the hell us up with Krispy Kreme and KOA and their hatred for the letter "C"?

The Village Idiot said...

No sir, I've had Krispy Kreme and the old DD totally kicks their ass, especially when we weigh in with the coffee.
("weigh in" is probably not something good to say in a stpry about donuts)

Justine- you totally stole my idea!
3T- the donuts were awesome, as always, and the coffee was even better
Lumpy- i, er, forgot to ask. but everyone looked ok. The donuts were great!

Y.C. Tape said...

Guess what....I have a Blue Bell Ice Cream box in my classroom! Imagine the wrecks in the hall getting to that! Ok, I just remembered that y'all might not have Blue Bell up there....pity!

I am totally into your demo....excellent!

Red Wolf said...

So, I'm really curious. How did the guy in the white van react when, after full on plowing into him, Gramps drove off to get his donuts? That'd be even more befuddling than having someone full on plow into you in the first place. Gadzooks! What are they putting in these donuts to create such a fixation?

The Village Idiot said...

I told ya, it's gotta be crack!

the guy in the white van was understandably befuddled by the whole experience, but, knowing the wonderful goodness that is a DD experience, he was totally alright with grampa's "Hit and drive-thru" accident.

Don't Miss- I have no idea what Blue Bell Ice Cream is, but if it's southern it's probably far too good. Y'all must have something going with the devil to produce food that's so good and so bad for humans at the same time.

the idiot

The Village Idiot said...

Now, it is the graphics that made that story, If I could figure out how to get the lenscap off this new camera, I would be more than willing to use it along with sugar cubes, and matchsticks to re-enact that taking of the bridge over the river kwai. I am glad that you were not hurt in this most interesting display of donught addiciton