Dunkin and Drivin Don't Mix

Some of you may recall that not long ago I announced that Dunkin Donuts is the new crack. Yesterday my kids and I witnessed an event that puts the proof in that particular pudding.

Below you'll see that I've rounded up all the high tech wizardry that will be the hallmark of my reign as king of the world in order to bring the tale to you in full color illustration. (Thanks to the Younger One for the cars, construction paper and crayons that made this all possible).

Anyhow, the kids and I were driving along in Idiotville, and the Younger One announced that she would like some Dunkin' Donuts. As you know, I'm always looking for an excuse to hit the Double D, so we prepared to make a left turn across traffic, into our usual Dunkin Donuts location, fondly known here as #1. We were behind an older gent in a mini-van.
In the diagram, the Idiot family is traveling in the black hot rod behind the pink car.











Apparently, the older gent in the pink car was so fixated on his donuts, that he failed to notice the large white econovan coming along the other way, and he completely and totally plowed into it, as we see in the next diagram.


Now. This would just be another sad tale of bad New Hampshire driving if it weren't for what happened next.

The kids and I sat in the turn lane, stunned that this old guy had just totally rammed the big white van. It was quite a crash, (as seen in the diagram) (the big white van's driver's side tires actually left the ground). The big white van's driver was completely stunned also, and his car drifted across the lane toward us until he recovered his senses and got it under control.


Grampa, meanwhile, kept right on a-going, all the way to the drive-thru, where his car decided it had made its last Dunkin Donuts run and died.

Now, I'm a big fan of The Amazing Race, and Mrs. Idiot and I spend a lot of time wondering how we'd do if we entered, and what we'd do in various situations. Last season, there was an episode in which one team got into a car accident and another team stopped, made sure they were ok, and kept on going. The team that kept on going was criticized for not stopping to help, but I gotta say, what I saw at the old Dunkin Donuts proves that if there had been donuts involved, the other team wouldn't even have stopped to make sure everyone was ok.

Grampa's car sat there, blocking the drive-thru, smoking and steaming and generally unhappy. Within a few minutes, the drive-thru was backed up, and then people started driving up over the curbing to get past him to the order box. Have you ever seen a zombie movie where the living dead are just kinda mindlessly crawling over everything and everyone to get at the humans? It was a lot like that, only with donuts. There's gotta be crack involved in there somewhere.

So that's my story. You'll be happy to know that no one was hurt, the kids and I went in to the store to get our food, (we figured that since the drive-thru was blocked and all... silly us), and we were lucky enough to watch an old mini-van die in what I can only assume is the automotive equivalent of dying with his boots on, dying in the Dunkin Donuts Drive-Thru.