Wednesday, October 26, 2005

It's Sweeps Week

Occasionally, just for kicks, I check out the keywords that bring people to this site.

What that means is that someone searched for "Kicked puppies" and their search engine led them here. Most of the searches of course, aren't that genteel. More on that later.

Because each new posting of this blog is saved as its own page, people might find a particular article I've written if they search for something like cat chews toothbrush or constipated bassett or humungous burrito.

Mostly, though, because you can go back and read a whole month of this crap at a time, people wind up stuck here because they were looking for something completely different. On the April page, for example, there's an article about mountain lions, an article about feminine hygiene products, and an article about Michael Bolton, so anyone looking for some combination of words like Lyin' Douchebag Bolton might wind up here by mistake.
(Ok, that one came out of nowhere).

Anyhow, the actual keywords that bring people here are almost never that clever, and usually involve the word "nude". My recent homage to ESPN analyst Suzy Kolber, for example, brought about a zillion people here, all looking for Suzy Kolber in combination with various other colorful words I might have tossed around in other articles.

Thus, to boost my traffic, and hopefully in that way bring attention to the problems of bassett constipation, I now shamelessly post some keywords that I expect will totally send my internet traffic figures through the roof. Here we go:

Angelina Jolie dipped in chocolate, nude! Brad Pitt riding a bike, nude! Star Wars, the whole damn cast, nude. (You have to know your internet audience). Rush Limbaugh fully clothed! (I do have some standards). Al Roker and Katie Couric's love child! Regis Philbin Martha Stewart gambling ring, nude! Survivor winner revealed, nude! Amazing Race Winners revealed, nude! Jennifer Aniston dates George Clooney, nude! Janet Jackson picks nose, picks friends, pichachu, nude! President Bush and old flame Harriet Miers go to Iraq, nude! Hurricane Wilma and Katarina form love triangle with Tropical Depression Alpha! Nude! Karl Rove's testimony about the area 51 aliens nude! Avian Flu hits Pittsburgh, nude! CIA takes a Leak beside the road, Nude! White Sox up 3-0 in World Series, Nude! Dow Jones, nude!

Yeah, sadly, this out to get me a LOT of traffic.

1 comment:

Red Wolf said...

So sad, but true. It never ceases to amaze me what search words bring people to my blog. A lot of them are looking for pictures of Ty Pennington -- nude and otherwise. But then someone searched on the terms "wear pantyhose everyday." Who searches under such an odd thing??? I get to wear pantyhose everyday for work...the last thing in the world I want to do is search the internet about wearing pantyhose everyday. Anyway, I hope that you experiment in keywords brings lots of traffic to your site.