Saturday, November 05, 2005

Garr, Another Mai-Tai, Ye Scurvy Dog

Did you see this story?

MIAMI - Pirates fired a rocket-propelled grenade and machine guns Saturday in an attack on a luxury cruise liner off the east African coast, the vessel's owners said.

Idiot artists rendering of what that looked like.
Idiots don't get out much.

Can you imagine it? Pirates on a real cruise? Cruises are like the cheesiest form of bottled entertainment ever, I think a little pirate action would liven things up considerably. "Avast ye naves, if'n I hear "Hot Hot Hot" one more time, I'll make ye walk the plank! And heed my word, ye mangy seadogs, if'n my grog be watery and cost more than two dubloons, it be Davy Jones' locker for ye."

Ok, here's the rest of the story:
Two armed boats approached the Seabourn Spirit about 100 miles off the coast of Somalia and fired as the boats' occupants attempted to get onboard, said Bruce Good, a spokesman for Miami-based Seabourn Cruise Line, a subsidiary of Carnival Corp.
The ship outran them and changed its course.

Outran them and changed course!? I hope it didn't upset the ping pong tournament on the lido deck, or the golf lesson on the promenade deck, or the limbo contest! For the love of God spare the limbo contest!!

Here's a great line:
"Our suspicion at this time is that the motive was theft," Good said, adding that the crew had been trained for "various scenarios, including people trying to get on the ship that you don't want on the ship."

You ain't kidding. They've kept me off several cruises. You see, I go to the art auctions just for the free champagne and at the buffets I always make a big mess and get the serving spoons mixed up. Those people are trained to spot troublemakers, so I'll bet they spotted the thugs with the rocketlaunchers from miles away.



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The Villiage Idiot Brother In-Law said...

Irony is so cruel. The girlfriend, whom we'll refer to as 'Janice', bought a puppy yesterday. And then you go and write in pirate speak....

When discussing the name, I ranked them as follows (worst-to-best):

5) "Kitty" (how stupidly, wonderfully sarcastic would that be?)

4) "Dog" (remember, you may be the idiot, but I am the simpleton)

3) "Salty" (Ayyy, Salty Dog! Arrr.)

2) "Salty" (short for "Salteador" the portuguese word for "Thief" -- keep reading, you'll understand...)

1) "SCURVY" I mean how cool would it be to have a pooch named "Scurvy Dawg"; absoluetly freakin' awesome, that's how cool.

Alas, 'Janice' just can't accept such an incredibly cool name. ("Cool" is something she seeks to avoid pretty regularly.) She selected "Bandit" in recognition of the panda/racoon like patches around her (the puppy's , not 'Janice's') eyes. When I learned that "Salteador" was the portuguese word for theif/robber/Republican Politician,I lobbied again for the fallback choice of "Salty". Nope.

That's ok, I still call her "Scurvy" ('Janice' that is,not the puppy.)

Fightin the Good Fight,

The Other Jim

Anonymous said...

Hey Idiot... your brother-in-law is a harsh man. How could you possibly want to call a 5lb puppy scurvy?!?! He's been saying Scurvy since Thursday and I picked her up yesterday. The poor dog is so confused about the whole name thing! I sent you an email with a picture of her. See if you think she looks like she deserves to be called SCURVY!

Ariella said...

Ahh, familial strife, kewl!

Abrasivist said...

If I was on the cruise I would have thought it was some kind of stage show. Though I would have grown a bit suspicious after my wife was shackled and sold.

The Village Idiot said...

Thanks Dave, I can't wait to check out the free ipods site, you scurvy dog you!

Bandit is a great name for a dog. Generally, I try to live my live as Johnny Quest did, (WWJQD), and thus Bandit is a great name for a dog. I'm currently trying to get several of my friends to change their names to Hodgi, by the way.

Ariella, I'm glad they could share that with you. :-)

Abrasivist- You made me choke on my coffee. Thanks.

The Villiage Idiot Brother In-Law said...

What, you wasted the Dunk Junk?

I can easily picture you licking it off the floor.

What's the coffee equivalent of a dipsomaniac?

The Village Idiot said...

no, it was homemade coffee.

what the hell is a dipsomaniac? I do like salsa, and the occasional onion dip binge isn't beyond me if I know I don't have to drive later. Does that help?

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