Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Update: I Still Don't Give a Crap about NASCAR

Sunday marked the end of my three year campaign to become a NASCAR fan. I failed at the task miserably. They've just wrapped up an incredibly exciting season full of great racing and off-track intrigue. Apparently, to make it even more exciting, the championship even came down to the last race, with a handful of drivers in the "Chase" right down to the wire. Still, I just don't get it.

I've tried, in my usual half-assed way, to get on board. Mrs. Idiot bought me one of those Richard Petty experiences a few years ago and I got to drive a stock car around the track a few times. That was a lot of fun, and those cars are VERY fast, but it didn't take: I didn't become a fan.

The Idiot Racing suit inspired me. I've been wearing
nothing but highwater jumpsuits ever since.

I tried to pay attention to the last two seasons of racing, and even tried to watch a few races. A bunch of my friends have become huge NASCAR fans over the years and they try to help me pay attention and understand the races, but I'm usually sound asleep by lap 30. I mean it, there has got to be something wrong with me on this one. My Sainted Mother said that when I was a baby and wouldnt sleep, she'd often put me in the car and drive around until I dozed off. Could this have something to do with it?

Next year I'll try again, and I'll try again the year after that. I am determined to understand this. I mean, Calvin has been out there peeing on various NASCAR drivers for years. There's got to be something to it, eh?


Ariella said...

Screw NASCAR, it is as interesting as curling, but without the brooms.

Justine said...

I blame Nascar for all the greenhouse gasses America emits. That way, it makes me feel better for not being better about recycling.

Jenny said...

Oh geez, why would you even try to watch NASCAR?

Is that you in the picture? If so, I'd wear that outfit everyday if I were you...;)

oregoncelticlady said...

Never get it, never will...the pants aren't even tight for godsakes!!! (Have to visit my blog to get the pants issue ;-) Waterpolo anyone???

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lime said...

thank you for validating me on this one! i do not get it

Debbie said...

Your comments were as funny as the post itself. :)

I live deep in the heart of NASCAR country. Here is a bit of help; You spend an entire day waiting for someone to wreck at 200MPH, drinking beer and hollering- "Git er done".

Collectively, with the jumpsuit that you now have, my hints and possibly shaving a car number into the hair on your back, I think you have it.

Good Luck! :)

Kyahgirl said...

Don't try so hard.
Its a sign of your intelligence Mr. Idiot that you can't be enthralled to watch people drive in circles for ages and ages.

Oh dear, if you consistently show signs of intelligence, is this going to blow your Village Idiot cover?

The Villiage Idiot Brother In-Law said...

What's wrong with curling? I like the sport! (Side effects of loving a Canadian!)

"Curling but without the brooms" is also known as shuffleboard.

Ariella said...

Brother in law,
I live close enough to our esteemed northern neighbors that I get to see those wild curling championships, far be it from me to criticize but curling hold my interest about as well as NASCAR, the people sweeping the ice in a frenzy provides the only interest (amusement).
Just saying neither is a sport I watch or enjoy.
Canadians do have many better games up their sleeves.

Weary Hag said...

I. Am. In. Tears. Over. Here.
This post is a) dead on! and b) one of the funniest things I've read in ages.

I'm not only bookmarking your V.I. self, but I'm half thinking of a blogroll link for cripe's sake and I've only read about four of your posts so far.

I about lost it altogether on the photo caption. You have a gift, my friend and fellow New Englander.