Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Ding-Ding-Ding We Have a Winner

Not long ago I published a bunch of gibberish* to get the attention of the search engines. I figured that a few prime keywords would boost my traffic and keep me amused when I go look at the keywords people use to get to my blog.

*(As opposed to my normal gibberish)

I should explain that because I'm cheap, I've not paid for one of those swanky companies to track and analyze the people who visit my site. The service I went with is free, which means that it's almost reliable as hiring a fourth grader to sit beside the freeway and count cars. You might get a reliable count, you might get an interesting story about how they went looking for frogs.

Thus, this is in no way a complete list, these are just some of the gems that I happened to grab before my (free) traffic tracker tossed them out. (Some of these date back as far as August).

Some of the more amusing searches that brought people to Kicked Puppies:

better steve bartman song
downtown julie brown horse
how many puppies from one mating
foul vaginal odour
mazda zoom ringtone
winnacunnet nude
diagram of tastebuds

bling bling ding dong
pink nose puppies
katie couric nude
pam oliver nude

martha stewart nude
nfl pam oliver pictures

constipated dog
brad pitt gambling
balloon with fatty armpits
beer's hops seen to inhibit tumor growth
regis philbin buttocks mask
my owner is an idiot
hot football locker hunks
portsmouth nh fat belly's

cat toothbrush
motion sensitive hidden camera
Cow lips
beef lips cause man boobs
number 2

beer makers microbrew indiana
tim mccarver idiot
world record fecal matter
ali g harvard video
kittens pee on fax machine and start fire
kicked puppies
ebay song - you kicked my dog
how to not get your ass kicked by the police

and my personal favorite:
i got kicked in the face by a cow. what should i do?

I'm so happy that all these people came to me for help. Though they will not find their Regis Philbin Buttocks Mask here, or their world record fecal matter, they hopefully found some peace.

Search on!


Jenny said...

What is a balloon with fatty armpits?

And who are these people typing in this stuff?! :)

Babs said...

What about Regis Philbin fecal matter? ;)

oregoncelticlady said...

you lost me at "Martha Stewart nude" *hack*

Ariella said...

you attract freaks...
does that say something about US???

Lesser_Lumpkin said...

I think my favorite is bling bling ding dong. What on earth was this person looking for?

The Lumpy

Justine said...

balloon with fatty armpits sounds like they were looking for parts of my upper body.

the buttocks mask cracks me up most.is that a mask for a buttocks or a mask of a buttocks? and why regis?

Oi! I hope that some of those were people googling under the influence, either that or you really do attract freaks, idiot.

Wiccachicky said...

hahahaha - these are good. I do the Friday Find Me sometimes where a bunch of us post the odd ways people find our blog. Maybe I'll do one this Friday!

lime said...

LMAO. that is absolutely surreal!

BeckEye said...

I'm glad you find it amusing, but my face really hurts. That cow really got me. I came to you for help and you just mock me instead. AH well, that's life on the farm.

Dawn said...

Hi! I found you through Amalah's site. That's right. I have nothing better to do than click on the names of the people who comment on Amalah's blog to see if there are any other interesting blogs out there. I'm lame. But my lameness led me to you.
Now to my question. How is it that you find what searches from google brought people to your blog? Can you help me find it? I'm curious what searches bring people to my blog.
Thanks, Village Idiot! You are my new favourite find. :) Say hello to the Mrs from me!